May 30: I started keeping a personal journal nine years ago today. It was for my eyes only and tracked many significant events during that period including the death of my parents, the end of my marriage, retirement, selling the house and moving to a new neighbourhood, the birth of 3 grandchildren, and 3 trips to Europe.
My journal was not a daily diary; there are many long gaps devoid of entries. What I was attempting to do was document “significant” events, and then spend a few moments trying to understand their effect and my reaction to them. Writing something down forced me to think about the impact of those events on me and others. It forced me to consider the words I was using, what they conveyed and why I reacted as I did. It gave me greater insight to the person I am, and with insight to my personality and conditioning, it allowed me the benefit of considering who I might become.
In many respects, the journal was a forerunner to these pages. This blog was suggested by a friend as a way of “staying in touch” during my first trip to Europe in 2015. At first, I thought of it as a fairly casual way of sharing photos and observations of my travel experience. Shortly after I started writing my first entries, my friend Ed Murphy died suddenly of a heart attack. It was shattering and deeply disappointing for me because it seemed that he had finally reached a point where he was about to embark on a much happier stage in his life. It all ended too soon.
I wrote an entry about his death that came from emotion and sadness. I wrote it as a I might have written something for my journal, so I felt it was honest and true to my feelings. As I prepared to push the “Publish” button, I spent a moment thinking of how people might react. It was a bit intimidating to think that my emotion, my reaction would be available and judged by anyone having access to the site. Would they accept my thoughts or see them as self-indulgent or inappropriate ? Ultimately, I realized that if these entries are to be meaningful, they need to have integrity and be as open as possible. It became a benchmark for future posts.
I enjoy the act of writing, of trying to capture thought, emotion and experience in a meaningful way. I hope that these pages will be entertaining, perhaps amusing and even insightful from time to time. I am now 4 years into this blog, and you can judge for yourself how well I have been doing.