Murder

October 22: There will be a murder on my street and I fear that I will be responsible.

This all started in February. My early-morning read of the newspaper was  interrupted by a grating, droning whine that went on and on and on. I soon realized that it was a leaf-blower. This seemed a bit strange since it had snowed overnight – enough to leave about a centimeter on the ground. The mystery was solved when I saw a neighbour from across the street using a leaf-blower to clear the snow from a driveway. He had started at the back and was blowing the snow down the driveway toward the street, so it was getting deeper and harder to move as he went along. I’ll bet it took 40 minutes before he was done, the droning and whining continuing for the whole time.

I felt the urge to go over and explain to him that he could have had the job done in 10 minutes with a shovel, or perhaps 15 minutes with a broom, and he would have had some exercise as well. But, live and let live… Unfortunately, it became an on-going problem. He uses the damn thing at every opportunity: clearing the driveway of dust; blowing grass clippings off the lawn; drying lawn furniture that he had washed to put out at the curb for garbage. I kid you not.

With Autumn now in full swing there are actual leaves for him to blow about. His tree has not yet fully turned so we have many weeks of this torment yet to come. This morning there were perhaps 36 leaves on his lawn and sure enough, he was there for a half-hour moving them onto the road. I was tempted to walk over and pick them up with my bare hands and throw them into the street….

Anyway, if you hear of a murder on Bernie Crescent you will know who did it. I shall beat him to death with a leaf rake. A nice touch of irony, and there’s not a court in the land that would convict me.