April 4: Last Thursday I had my first Pfizer vaccine shot at Sunnybrook Hospital. When I arrived there were 5 or 6 people lined up outside the door to the clinic. I joined them and, after a few moments of glancing around, I felt a huge upwelling of emotion.
Both Mum and Dad died in the building adjacent to the clinic. They were both Veterans and therefore spent a short amount of time in “K” and “L” Wings before they died. I still miss them both. So a large part of the emotion I felt was surely sadness triggered by the surroundings. But there was more as well.
I was also feeling relief at being vaccinated. After the better part of a year dealing with lockdowns of various sorts, social distancing, and the isolation of living alone, it felt in some small way as though there was hope that it might all be ending. That thought made me briefly happy, but the emotion was soon overwhelmed by sadness at the thought of the many lives lost and disrupted by the virus; the on-going struggle of so many people who are forced to work at precarious jobs because they have no alternative; the kids who have lost an important year of socialization; health-care workers struggling to keep up with the viral tidal wave; the communities that were still without vaccine so that I could get a shot and then go home to sit safely in my apartment.
At this point I will simply say that I believe with all my heart that the vaccine strategy in Ontario has been a complete disaster. I’m certainly grateful for the protection it offers, but as I have just said, there are so many other more needy groups that should have been vaccinated before me. They are necessary to keep our society moving forward toward a resolution of the pandemic. I am not. And while I isolate yet again (still ?), the Ford government has decreed a “lockdown” that does little more than delay my future haircut for a month. Schools remain open, we can gather in groups of 5, and businesses are free to welcome limited numbers of customers. Meanwhile ICU beds fill up; our medical system is pushed to the point of collapse.
So there was the emotion of anger as I thought about the circumstances around my vaccination, and sadness at the realization that it surely didn’t have to be this way. That left a feeling of helplessness. We are where we are in large part because of the actions of other people – primarily our Provincial government.
If there had been an earlier, much harder lock-down, I believe we would have had far fewer infections. If the government had strengthened the lock-down provisions 3 weeks ago instead of opening up, it would have reduced the impact of the third wave. In my view, if the Ford government had focused on inoculating seniors and front-line workers first, the vaccination strategy would have been more effective. It would have saved lives and protected our health care system.
So I left the hospital after getting my shot feeling gratitude and a degree of relief. But there was also a real sense sadness and disappointment as I thought about the circumstances that allow a healthy if somewhat over-the-hill privileged white male a shot while so many other more deserving citizens wait their turn.