August 12: For a couple of years now, I have been thinking about renting a vintage wooden boat on Lake Muskoka and revisiting some of the cottages and towns that were part of my “wasted youth”. A couple of weeks back, I took the plunge – pardon the mixed metaphor – and set something up. Only then did I recall that my boat operator’s license had been lost when my wallet was stolen last year.
I checked around and arrived at the Federal Ministry of Transportation site. They apparently look after navigable waters and licensing in Canada. Not finding a simple way to replace my license, I finally called the 1-800 number and got an actual, helpful person who told me that the replacement had to come from the company that issued the license. In my case, although I don’t remember using them, that was apparently boaterexam.com .
Finding their site was easy but, once again, there was no direct link I could find to allow me to easily replace the permit. So I resorted to the 1-800 number. This time, I got the usual “all of our operators are busy at this time…” But then it continued on to say that they valued my patience and rather than keeping me waiting on the line they would call me back at this number. After reciting my phone number, the line went dead. I thought that was quite a good idea but, after sitting looking at the phone like the RCA Victor dog for more than an hour I realized that I wasn’t actually going to be called back that day. Or the next day. I waited another couple of days, and then called again and got the same process. More waiting.
After a few days I went back to the site and found a “contact us” button with an e-mail form. I explained that I had called and had not yet received a reply. Could they look into this please ? After almost 2 weeks of trying to track down a reasonable facsimile of a person who could give me an answer, I got an e-mail. It said that my request had been resolved. Period. If I had questions or comments, I was to reply to the message and they would follow up. This I did, pointing out that I had not actually spoken to anyone or received anything that looked even slightly like a boat operator’s permit. That was more than a week ago and I still have no idea what’s going on.
At this point I thought I had better let the boat rental guy know why we were delaying the tour – I had no license. He replied that I didn’t need a license to rent a boat. You only need one if you are operating your own boat.
So here’s the thing: If you have been going to Muskoka or the Kawartha’s for decades and are intimately familiar with those lakes you need a permit. But if you are some bonehead who may never have operated a boat and has no familiarity with the lakes or indeed any of the rules of navigation, you don’t need a permit at all. Here, take my vintage boat. Please.
As the renter said: “Makes no sense, I know…”
And I still have no license.